What's Wrong With Being a Good Person?

MJ Day

2009-06-26T13:16:00.000-07:00

I had to do this. I'm sorry to anyone who's sick of this already, but I had to.

During primary school, my best friend and my brother's best friend were coincidentally also brothers- Harry and Sam Skinner. Quite often, we would invite Harry and Sam over for sleepovers. We would come up to our bedroom and hang out. Not long after, one of us would insert the cassette of Michael Jackson's "Dangerous" in our mini hi-fi which had the crappiest tiny speakers, turn off the main light, switch on a couple of lamps, and proceed to dance our asses off.

I loved those days.

The weird video for "Leave me Alone". The "Moonwalker" movie. The "Moonwalker" videogame! That camera trick in "Smooth Criminal". The claymation in "Speed Demon". The giant statue along the Thames to celebrate the launch of "HiStory". The concert where he descended to the stage in a space suit to perform "Man in the Mirror". That's Michael Jackson.

Recently I shared this sleepover-dancing anecdote with my good friend Aaron, and he told me he had virtually the same childhood experience with his friend Greg. We were both very excited to find we had such a quirky bond. For us and millions of others, Michael Jackson literally shaped our musical experience as we grew up. I love music anyway - I don't think I could happily live without it. But to this day I still thoroughly enjoy the energy, passion, and variation of Michael Jackson's music.

Watching the news last night, hearing he had been rushed to hospital, I was slightly fearful but considering his age, not overly concerned. I flicked over to BBC24 anyway. As time went on it was more and more obvious what had happened, but somehow, even now, reading the words

MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD

is one of the most unreal sentences I have ever read. It seems almost impossible to me that someone with such stage presence, vitality and talent could just stop existing. To be honest I'm not that upset- I didn't know him, he was at the end of the day a performer who I was (am) a great fan of. It's just...really weird. His music is still there, but the man himself isn't. It just doesn't make sense to me, and I don't know why.

I didn't feel this way when James Brown or Ray Charles passed away. I'm a big fan of their music, but it seemed more acceptable that they should pass- perhaps because of the age difference, or perhaps because I didn't grow up with them, who can say?

Whether or not his forthcoming UK tour would have been a renaissance or swan song is a moot point now. His music from the past stands forever, and I think anyone who makes jokes about a dead man is a disrespectful moron, and I fully anticipate that karma will one day deal with them sufficiently. Regardless of what happened in his personal life, he is dead, and that much at least should be respected. I would have hoped in death all that nonsense can finally stop.

I know it's a monumental occasion, but in a few days I'm sure we will find there are other news stories occuring in the world. In such times of global conflict, I would at least hope so.

I'm not going to be too cliche as to post an original MJ song, but just enough to maintain my cheesiness - a cover instead.

I am very, very thankful for Michael Jackson.

Connection

2009-06-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

I was on the tube today, and as it was pulling in to the platform, there was a guy with a magazine in his hand running alongside the train. I can't lie- I giggled a bit inside as I thought he was trying and failing to make it in time. As he and the train were running side by side, it soon became clear he wasn't running for himself- he was trying to give the magazine to a guy who had just walked off further along the platform. As the train stopped and I walked off with music playing in my ears, it was clear that Magazine Recipient Man was extremely grateful and somewhat surprised that his item was so swiftly returned.

This action, in turn, made me smile and feel good.

Recently, I have undertaken the task of training for a 26 mile Bikeathon for Leukaemia Research (although my friend Ed is pushing me for the mammoth 52 mile challenge). Through the process of donations, it has slowly and only slightly re-connected me with people I haven't spoken to in a long time - albeit in the virtual world of Facebook . It gives them an idea of what I'm doing, a sense of a huge challenge I am accepting, and, through their generosity, it shows me their more caring side. Not that I was unaware of that side anyway. The overall activity of fundraising gives me a great feeling of being connected to so many people. In total, I think I have invited upwards of 300 people to donate- a fraction of which will be kind enough to empty their pockets - but it's a very satisfying feeling nonetheless.

Last week I attended an alumni networking event of the Windsor Fellowship; a charity which runs various programmes for ethnic minorities, one of which I was lucky enough to participate in. All in all, there are about six thousand alumni out there in the world, and the possiblity of connecting to, interacting with and working with even 1% of that is overwhelmingly exciting. I had no idea I had a network that extended so far. Lucky me.

I guess this is a continuation of my last post, but connecting with people who you know, knew and probably more importantly don't know is such an immensely powerful prospect. I have, over time, come to appreciate how powerful networks can be - beyond our comprehension. They can help you achieve your goals in no time, help you help others, and help you start something you had no idea you could create in the first place (like a bestselling book, a film or even a business).

I swear I am not sponsored by Nokia. Connecting People.

The above picture is a representation of the internet, and this is an absolute tune to wake you up. If you don't love it, you're dead inside. It's Stevie Wonder for crying out loud:

Almost forgot: Here's the link to my Just Giving donation page for the Bikeathon. Please donate!

http://www.justgiving.com/biketastic/

insignificance

2009-06-11T04:23:00.000-07:00

There are over 6 billion people on this convoluted planet. The human race has existed for thousands of years, and each of us can be expected to live for around 80 years. Logically then, we can conclude that we're all just minute blips in a massive, constantly moving pool of life. Hence, there lies an ultimatum for the humble human; focus on your own life, live only for you, work hard to become rich, retire, then die. Game over.

Or.

Refute the notion that you are insigificant and choose to live outside of yourself, to influence and change the lives of others. If, in your short amount of time on this earth, you can create a ripple effect that lives on and reaches out beyond one John Doe, your life will have actually meant something.

What I'm trying to say is that if your goal in life is to be rich, have a great job and a steady family, that's nice and all, but you're not really doing anything, are you? You are simply existing, and what's the point in that? Personal achievements can mean nothing they only benefit you. If however, you can reach more people and create action or change, you can take part in something epic, something much, much greater than 2.4 children. If you can do that, you will have truly lived.

I'm not saying you should try to get into the history books purely to be remembered, but try to live beyond yourself. Engage with other people, other families, other communities, because before you know it, it'll all be over. Don't be just another number; another tombstone; another name. Make no mistake, as one person on your own, serving yourself, you are definitely not important. As a self-involved human, you are a pointless spec of dust on mother nature's vast windscreen as she races down the motorway. But you, with your actions and your ability to influence others can be immensely important, perhaps even literally life-changing.

This video clip is the final scene from the film "Bobby", depicting the aftermath of the assassination of Senator Robert Kennedy. The clip is visually, a manipulation of emotions. But the actual message is, I feel, vitally important.

Paladin

2009-05-14T09:25:00.000-07:00

I was researching for one of my essays recently, which was on death & immortality. I came across the notion that "heroes" are very important in society. We need them as shining examples, and their brushes with death (war, protest etc) showcase the limits they are prepare to go to. This goes all the way back to the Epic of Gilgamesh. Moreover, the author stated that more than anything else, we all want to be heroes, because they are the highest of the high.

The Free Online Dictionary tells us that a hero is:

1. In mythology and legend, a man, often of divine ancestry, who is endowed with great courage and strength, celebrated for his bold exploits, and favored by the gods.

2. A person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her life

So beneath the HR managers, PR assistants and mortgage brokers, we all want to be Hercules (or Xena, Warrior Princess for the ladies). We all want to be admired and looked up to - for the right reasons - not for staying in a jungle with That Guy From Blue.

I don't know if "an inner hero" is an obvious concept, but for me it's true, and in my traditionally cheesey fashion, I think it's very nice. But what is stopping us from being the heroes we were all born to be - or at least, what's stopping us from being heroic?

I have it in mind, at some point in my life to help/teach kids, and educate the masses about a few of the wrongs that exist in the world today through film. I'll have to think that one out a bit. But it's worth thinking about. Heroism. Corny, yes. Cliche, perhaps, but tell me one thing that's wrong with that?

I like this (click Paladin heading to see video if subscribing).

Four Years

2009-05-05T09:35:00.000-07:00

As of Friday 1st of May 2009, I have been a free man. I have finished my degree at the University of Birmingham reading American & Canadian Studies.

Some people may (and indeed have) pooh-poohed my choice of degree; claiming that I didn't work as hard as other students, that it was not employer-friendly, that it was not valid compared to the likes of History or Law.

Let me say right now, I am eternally thankful that I have had the chance to study this course, because it has given me so much. Over the past four years I have grown immensely.

I have read some fantastic books that include "Black Like Me" by John Howard Griffin, and "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy.

I've discovered some absolutely amazing historic authors including Melville, Whitman, and Hawthorne. I wholeheartedly encourage you to discover their works.

My passions for filmmaking and writing have grown exponentially: I have written for my student newspapers in Birmingham and California, I have shot a 16mm film and made my own documentary, which I am very proud of.

I have been inspired by some fantastic teachers, listened to John Cleese wax lyrical, been inside the private Pixar studios, and I have travelled up and down the wonderful West Coast of America. I've researched a paper inside the JFK library, getting exclusive access to CIA files, and seen Stevie Wonder live- for free.

I admit, my class hours were light to say the least, but I have been pushed and tested enough to warrant Honours like anyone else.

Finally, I have made so many truly spectacular lifelong friends who come from all corners of the world. Beat that.

Motortown Records

2009-04-14T08:47:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to listen to the radio or watch the TV the past week or so without a mention of the 50 year Motown Anniversary (I know the Anniversary is not that recent, but it's still being celebrated, and quite right too). My brother, how I love him so, often kids me about being an old man in a young man's body given my taste in music, but I don't think anyone can deny the genius that came out of that Record Label, hit after hit.

I don't really need to say anything about this, but I thought I'd have my two cents, and, well, just post some music here. It can pretty much speak for itself*. Please turn your speakers on with the bass turned way up. Feel free to sing along whatever you're doing. Especially if you're working.

Happy Tuesday.

(*Again if this has come to your email inbox, click the title to head to the blog web page to view the music videos).

Community

2009-04-08T12:07:00.000-07:00

I'm about one month away from finishing my degree at Birmingham, and recently I decided to make a kind of video-yearbook thing. Asking my coursemates what they'll miss most about their time in Brum and why they chose to do the course in the first place, that kind of thing. It was really only after I interviewed about 10 of my coursemates that I started to get quite nostalgic. Then I interviewed our American Studies receptionists, who pretty much hold the department together, and are very affectionate towards us kids. I soon realised that over the years, I have been very fortunate to become part of a community.

Not much more than 40 like minded people- students and teachers alike, who I enjoy spending time with, who are kind, caring, wise, and literally very close. Our humble department is a small one, but one that I am proud to be part of. In Birmingham, I'm a 10 minute bike ride away from campus, and about a 5 minute ride to my furthest-placed friends. Such short distances reinforce the strength of the community that I have found at university.

This year, I've also encountered something very unusual in England, let alone Birmingham. It's a place called Canvas House; a Christian ministry (queue Jeremy Clarkson voice) ....with a twist. Inside, it looks like a giant coffee lounge, with THE most comfortable sofas in the world, and a stage for bands to play open mic nights. Now, I'm a Sikh, and I don't much fancy being converted to anything else just yet, but the guys there - get this- are normal. Their main focus is actually creating a solid community among the students of Brum. There's very little mention of their faith, and if you do ask them questions, they're very cool about it. Oh and they're American, which by default makes them more friendly and fun. So far I've gone there to see my friend Aaron play open mic and jam out, watched a couple of movies on their massive projector, played some Goldeneye, some foozball, hung out with a bunch of people, gone to a nice local bar for drinks, and generally had a good time. More of this needs to happen in the UK. Fast.

When I move back home to London, I would like to have a sense of community. My closest friend lives 45 minutes away by tube, and I don't feel like I really "belong" to anything back in the big smoke. My brother is fortunate to have a genuine community with his colleagues at work, but how many others can say that they wholeheartedly love and respect their workmates, and not just for after-work drinks?

If you're lucky to have it, hold on to it. I will miss having so many likeable people around me on campus and in Selly Oak, but I will find a way to replicate it to the best of my abilities.

(If you subscribe to this blog, you'll have to click the "Community" title to view the videos below)

Here's a really weird video with the loveable morph. A laugh a day...

I try to put music up here every now and again, and this girl is simply awesome:

Play Time

2009-03-15T05:12:00.000-07:00

How are you today? I'm feeling pretty great, I'm in my dressing gown eating Petit Filous and a banana, and I'm taking a short break from my dissertation to write an overdue blog post.

Life's Good.

Anyway. Play time. Fun time. I am of the firm belief that having fun is a human necessity. I try to live by the motto "work hard, play hard", which I'm sure many of you do as well. It's that balance of having fun and working that's important.

Whether you have a boring job, or if you're lucky enough to enjoy and be creative at your work, I would still encourage you to take time out and just get silly every now and again. Have fun with your friends, do things that will make you feel good, because feeling good is great . Go throw a frisbee in a park, play some drinking games, swing a yo-yo, write a poem, sing karaoke badly and love it!

I think even if you do love your job, the idea of having some fun in a totally different environment can be very beneficial for your mental health. Kids shouldn't be the only ones who are allowed to play when they get home.

As I said though, there's a balance. I know far too many people who play video games or enjoy certain vices just for the sake of it. When there's no real end product and you're just indulging for the sake of it, you're not striking that balance. Indulging. That's a good word. Only you can truly know the difference between having productive fun and being overly indulgent. If your days are whizzing by and not much is getting done, ask yourself why. Analyse how you're spending your time. Stop yourself from getting bored and stop yourself from not living.

Life is good and bad; rough and smooth; work and play. Embrace it, and you'll have a lot more fun along the way.

Thanks to my friend Gallane for this, possibly the best video on YouTube:

Verbal Diarrhoea...

2009-02-18T13:41:00.000-08:00

I've wanted to write a post for a few days now, but I feel like whatever I write should be important or significant or somehow meaningful. A lot of thoughts have been buzzing around in my head, so here's a few snippets:

I like to give advice to other people. I enjoy mediating and, at the risk of sounding dramatic, negotiating. In doing so, I strive to "be right" and to give "correct" advice. With 22 years on this planet and relatively little experience of people, relationships, the world, politics and life in general, I sometimes doubt myself. As noble as I aim to be, I feel like I can never know if I'm truly giving the best advice. I will to an extent, be forever limited by my own paradigm, because that is how I see the world. How broad and open that paradigm is depends on how open minded and flexible I am willing to be. I will have to overcome that feeling of uncertainty and be content with who I am, and that I am at least trying to be the best I can for other people.

I've read and watched quite a few particularly interesting things this week. I caught one article by David Baddiel in which he noted how society's mark of intelligence is more often than not a simple case of who has the best memory. Exams. Pub Quizzes. Reading the news. Mastermind. If you can remember something and then regurgitate that back to society, my word you're smart. He concluded that "original thought" could be a contender for how we can tell who's got brains. The theory has its flaws, but it's nice to know that some people are actually thinking.

How can I go about altering the foundations of Western Education and still pursue my passions for filmmaking, writing and giving advice to people? And if/when the current misguided education system is reformed, what will it create? What the hell is society going to look like with all these young people who are actually learning and doing what they want instead of wasting the first 18 years of their lives?

I'm keeping up with the TED Talks that are free to watch on YouTube. This week Barry Schwartz talked about how rules and incentives can quite often stifle society, and that people need to bend the rules sometimes, much like how a jazz musician doesn't stick to the notes on a score sheet; he improvises to make up an altered, more personal melody. Schwartz gave an example of how State Kindergartens in Chicago have appallingly lengthy regulation guides on how to read books to kids, because these days teachers can't be trusted to teach without some sort of insurance policy. Have you heard of anything more ludicrous?

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all" - Oscar Wilde

Spontaneous you say?

2009-02-05T13:52:00.000-08:00

It seems that someone important was reading to my last post, because I think literally the day after, IT SNOWED!! For us Britons who don't see it too often, the snow is so wonderful and magical. For me, despite travel difficulties, it's so nice purely because it looks so clean and amazingly innocent. After I got home from uni, I convinced my housemates to come and have fun in the street, so we had a snowball fight and a couple of us even sledded down our hill on a grill tray, which, while not the speed of light, was still SO COOL.

It snowed again today, which was lovely and white. I am fortunate enough not to care about going into work or worrying about icy roads. My bike Audrey serves me well from getting to nearby places. I've stayed in my PJ's all day editing my film, fixing my computer and discovering new food recipes. I have also decided to start learning the keyboard, courtesy of my friend James, who never uses his. The amazing piece of kit now sits in my room temporarily while I figure out how to use my fingers in a musical manner. It hurts, but it's bloody fantastic!

To quote my favourite radio station's jingle, "Love Life, Love Music, Smooth Radio"

Maybe one day I will be able to play whole songs, but for now, here's a bit of "Heart & Soul" and the Intro of "Hey Bulldog"... I know. This was like an hour after I got it. Early days yet, early days.

Must Think Harder...

2009-02-01T09:56:00.000-08:00

It's been a little longer than usual since my last post- predictably and annoyingly, uni work is reaching slowly for my throat, but I am fending it off day by day.

I tell a lie. My degree is one of the best things I've ever done and it's so enjoyable, but it is occupying a lot of my time these days, not to mention dealing with crappy editing software that crashes every five minutes.

Last night, from about 5pm, I got a buzz to do something spontaneous and fun, just to go somewhere and do something a little different. My other housemates were busy or out, so one by one I phoned or sent a text to as many of my friends here in Birmingham as I could. Nothing. Nada. Busy. Got family visiting. Home for the weekend. Out for dinner. Going to a (*shit*) club.

What to do with all this pent up energy?

The last time I can remember this happening, I was in Santa Barbara. My resolution was to jump in the swimming pool in the middle of the night while everyone else was snuggled up in their living rooms doing boring things. It was freezing in the pool. My muscles stiffened up with great discomfort. But my god was it fun as hell.

Last night, I started to feel slightly trapped by the lack of options open to me. It was like the whole world had shut for the night, leaving me kicking pebbles in the street. But when I was last in Santa Barbara on a brief visit, a good friend of mine also felt kind of trapped. We talked about how in order to have fun nowadays, it seems like you really have to plan it out well in advance, because everyone's too busy with this and that bullshit.

Hell, I had an idea to play Beer Pong one night with my coursemates, but even that requires planning and deep thought. It's been about three weeks in the works, and it still hasn't happened. What the fuck?

Are we losing our ability to be spontaneous? Why can't we just have a bit of fun every now and again, or adventure? Or something that isn't mundane day-today living! Are the consequences of detouring from the "main plan" that dire? Maybe it's because I live in the arsehole that is known as Selly Oak, where it's cold and full of chavs...I dunno. Sometimes, I want to go for a drive that goes nowhere. I want to have a random house party, or go to one at least. I want to chill in a park at night and shoot the breeze with my really close friends and look at the stars.

Am I imposing limits on myself by surrounding myself with people/places that inhibit me? Am I just whining and not making the most of what I do have? I'll figure that out soon enough when I move back to London I guess, a place where every opportunity is open to me...apparently.

Rant over. Oh, almost forgot, have this. Many thanks to my beloved brother for finding this one.

Mortality

2009-01-15T06:36:00.000-08:00

Well, this is going to be a bit of a morbid one..

Recently I've been forced to think more about valuing my time on this strange world. A close friend of mine recently lost someone very close to him, and it truly hurt me to see him in pain, but it was obvious that he very much loved that person with all his heart. Late in 2008, I met someone who had lost his son to an illness, something which he also wrote about in his blog. His pain too, was so prominent in his words, and the holidays were especially hard for him without his son.

My grandparents, from what I have heard, were extremely active both in mind and body in their youth, but time is catching up with them. It's a hard thing to face, but it is the one absolute truth in life. It's made me want to appreciate them, but also to appreciate my own time on this planet.

I've also chosen to take a course this term called "Death and the Moving Image". It only dawned on me a day before the first class how depressing it's going to be, but I'm embracing it because I feel like it will be somehow cathartic.

I was thinking the other day- for as long as I have been alive, my mum, aunt, and two uncles have always been adults in my eyes; working and earning money. I think of a family picture that has me, my brother and my cousin sitting on the floor with all our parents and grandparents standing behind us. I've been a child or a young man for a long time. I have never looked or felt like an "adult"- that will come in a few years maybe. Soon enough I will be earning money and looking to start my own family, and that generation above mine will be old and smiling when they see their grand-children.

That's why I am trying to value my time as much as possible. I am afraid of settling for a mediocre life and being unhappy with what I have not achieved. In order to avoid this, I must value my time as much as possible, which starts with the littlest of things:

I need to get my work done, no matter how painful it is. I need to do that ahead of time so that I have times to do the things that I really enjoy. I need to think about Sukh at age 30. Sukh at 40, 50 and so on.

And I mean really think about him. The future me. What does he look like, is he healthy, is he happy, where is his life going? If I eat right now by having a balanced diet, my body should be ok down the line. If I exercise then my muscles, bones and ligaments will have a longer shelf-life. If I really challenge my mind by getting an education (both in and out of school), it should stay supple, just like my muscles. If I think about carving a career for myself in 6 months, I'm living for the future.

I would encourage you to do the same. Living for now is all well and good, but you will not remain as you are forever. Don't screw yourself over 10 years on from now only to say "If only I'd tried harder". Think of it as an investment; if you save up some money and stick it in the bank, you'll have a nice pension when you're older. Visualise what you will be in 10 years, and make that happen.

I want all of us to really, really live. Stop wasting time, stop avoiding what you know is right. If you make the most of your time, think how much more enjoyable it will be. The next time you're dicking around on Facebook or YouTube or watching some mundane daytime TV, ask yourself why you are doing it, what are you avoiding, and what could you be doing? By all means, spend time on Facebook or YouTube, just don't waste time on those things. If you learn to value your time, you learn to value yourself. Please, do that. For you.

I feel like posting this video, it seems appropriate. Yes, it's from YouTube:

The Art Of Conversation is...

2009-01-05T06:07:00.000-08:00

Listening.

Have you ever been in a conversation where you're telling someone something about yourself, and then, as if it were some sort of natural continuation, they just give you an anecdote about them that somehow loosely relates to what you just said?

That's not a conversation. That's two people talking about themselves.

Hell, I've done it dozens of times, sometimes it's hard not to. But today I would like to ask you to try and simply listen instead. Actually listen to the words that come out of their mouth. Don't think of something to "match it" with, just let them carry on speaking. Explore what they want to talk about, what's on their mind, and be interested in them. If all of a sudden you start saying

"Oh yea, that's completely like the time I..."

You may think you're being helpful by showing empathy, but you're also talking about yourself. Let go of the ego and let this one be about them. Research has shown that if you're in a conversation with say, Mr. Tickle, and you're asking Mr. Tickle about his life and actually engaging with the guy- showing genuine interest in him- Mr. Tickle will remember you all the more for it, and he will remember you as actually being interesting.

This is because you have invested in Mr. Tickle. When he goes home, he'll remember someone who wanted to find out about him, and not some boring person who relayed the conversation back to themselves. And he'll tell all the Mr. Men about you too.

Life should be about giving, because that is truly the most rewarding thing (though sometimes it may not seem it). That giving can start with the simplest of things: a conversation. Give some of yourself away; invest in someone else. Stop talking and start listening. It may be hard at first, but it's actually well worth it.

If you've enjoyed reading my ramblings, you can conveniently subscribe to them via email instead of trying to figure out when my next post will be. Just enter your address on the left. As ever, comments are always encouraged.

P.S. If you don't know who he is or if you're merely feeling a bit nostalgic, this is Mr. Tickle.

Oh no! He's going to hug me!!

2008-12-27T09:27:00.000-08:00

When performed correctly, hugs are quite simply amazing.

When done wrong...well, do you remember when Mufasa died?

A tad dramatic I know, and I'll admit, hugging isn't always easy. Sometimes you don't know the recipient well enough, or they just want a handshake. But when it is appropriate, you should really do it right!

I have had too many pathetic, half-arsed hugs that leave me feeling unsatisfied and perplexed. Hugging is one of life's greatest gifts, and they can make you feel so good about yourself. You know when you've received a bad hug- the weak arms that kind of linger around your back, flapping around as if you've just embraced two disjointed limbs. Or the slight gap between you because they don't want to be too close to you (who knows where you've been?). And the slight chin-tilt away from your shoulder- God forbid they actually rest their head on it!

Such traits usually mean you've encountered "the dead fish hug".

Here are some helpful tips:

On the approach, your head goes to the left, never the right.

Your hands should wrap firmly - I repeat, firmly - around your hugging partner. Most likely, your left arm will wrap at a lower height than your right. Personal preferences may vary however.

Give a mild squeeze to show some genuine emotion.

The "back pat" should be used with caution. Give a hearty singular pat for a man-hug, but otherwise it is best avoided. Do not patronise your partner with an overload of back-pats, unless you want to make them feel like they're six years old.

Hugs can last anywhere from three to five seconds. Any more or less is approaching awkward.

A hug, as defined by the Free Online Dictionary, is "A close, affectionate embrace". Make sure it is.

Goodbye Old Friend, See You On The Internet

2008-12-23T10:39:00.000-08:00

I said goodbye to a good friend of mine today who has just finished studying in Glasgow for the term. Jimmy was actually my American roommate from last year, so we were pretty close. I don't know when I'll see him next.

And while we had a big man-chat the night before, the final moment itself wasn't emotional. No tears, no big speeches....meh.

Backstory:

Last year in Santa Barbara, I said 'so long' to many people, and I wasn't sure when I would ever see them again. When I did that, it was very surreal. What do you say to someone who may never re-enter your life again? Sum up your time together in an amusing yet touching sentence or two? Wish them luck with all they do and blah blah?

Well, since then, I've seen alot of those friends. I went back to America briefly, and then I had to say goodbye all over again, and one of my Aussie mates even came here, which was fantastic.

During this current academic year, I got to know our American next door neighbour, Troy, who was a very friendly and warm person. He was in Birmingham for just one term, and for him, it was very sad and somewhat depressing to leave his new found friends. I empathised, and tried to give him parting words of wisdom and truth.

Over the past week or so, I have said a final farewell to both Troy and Jimmy, and I will do so again in about 10 days when Eric stops by on his way home to California. But quite frankly, it's not as much of a big deal anymore.

This mentality exists because:
a) There's a fairly good chance I'll move to California some day.
b) I talk to these guys all the time.

Facebook. Skype. Msn. Email. Whatever. These things keep me in virtually constant communication with...well, anyone. Cities and Towns and Countries are pretty much boundary-less (real word?). There are no walls. We can fly, cross the Channel at the drop of a hat, and read about other people's opinions from the comfort of our own homes. If I knew Kim Jong Il's Skype ID, I could be on the phone to him in no time.

Such an inter-connected world nullifies true "Auf Wiedersehens". It erradicates "distance" as we once knew it. And I have mixed feelings about this; the obvious positive is never losing touch with our fellow humans, but then these daprtures and break-ups become falsified. Granted, Facebook can never replace a good old fashioned bear-hug, but you can still laugh, giggle and cry with your friends online. Real life is losing its impact.

Goodbyes are always going to be weird. But how cool would it be if you were busy living in your own world, and your best friend from Korea, whom you haven't seen or talked to in years, turns up with his Stunna Shades on?

Did any of that make sense? Comments encouraged.

Back to Deep Thoughts...

2008-12-20T03:42:00.000-08:00

That last post doesn't fit with what I want this blog to be. Here's an anecdote instead:

Eight months ago I was in Vancouver on a long weekend. On my last evening there, I was walking back to my hostel, when I came across a homeless girl. Now, the homeless are everywhere on the West Coast of North America, so they very much blend in to the scenery. This girl however, struck me in a very visual way. Picture if you will, a young, cold figure wearing a small coat and a beanie, sat cross legged, huddled over a small cuddly bear. Placed delicately infront of her was a dilapidated hat with a piece of cardboard that simply said "Please".

Man, she must've had a PR agency working for her, cos that was a helluva sight for me.

I glimpsed down at her as you do, walked on a few feet, then stopped. I looked back for a moment, then back at my feet. I started to think. I had gone out the previous night and spent a silly amount of money on drinks and food, and I had spent money on the actual trip to Vancouver, and this and that...

I was finding more and more how I had been losing the value of money, so I thought fuck it, whatever money I had in my wallet, she would have. She deserved it far more than I did.

I slowly walked back over to her, reached in to my wallet, dropped the note in the hat, and waited a nano second to check for a reaction. Nothing. So I walked away a few feet again and glanced back to see if she knew I had given something.

She looked up at the hat, gradually took the note in her hand, then slid it into her sleeve, so that no one could see it.

I was annoyed. I wanted to go over and say "Why did you do that? Why are you hiding that money? Why are you lying to everyone?"

Of course, I knew why she did it; image. A green note in a dark hat ruins the desperate plea for money. I started to wonder what she was going to spend it on, and how long she would stick around to get more money. Did she already have an abundance of notes up her sleeve? In the end, I just headed back home. It was a mistake to do so. Call it British Reserve.

Now, I'm not trying to say "look at me aren't I generous" because I'm not. That token act was pathetic. But I remain perplexed by the homeless. It's one of the things that will remain with me about my trip to America- the sheer volume, the vast array of war Veterans and actual insane people on the streets. Blame Reagan? Maybe- an easy choice- but that doesn't change the present conditions. I'm not wise enough or experienced enough to understand the homeless situation in my country or America or Canada, and that's why I remain confused to this day.

I wish I could go back and talk to that girl.

New Year's Antics

2008-12-18T15:33:00.000-08:00

It's almost time before we hit 2009. In that year, I will graduate and return to London to find work, Obama will take office and do stuff and say nice words, and I'm sure a whole bunch of new things will happen. But for now, something far more important has to be dealt with.

The New Year's Eve party.

I have a love/hate relationship with midnight, December 31st. Every year, I'm determined to have as much fun as possible, be with my friends and have a supertasticly-mazing time. As the years have gone by and I've tried to get wiser, it's slowly hitting me that I need to chill out. I need to ignore that seemingly omnipresent commanding voice that says to us all

IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE MOST FUN ANYONE CAN HAVE AT MIDNIGHT YOUR LIFE WILL BE A JOKE TO THE WORLD!

Stop it. Go away, scary voice, go bug someone else. Yea, that chav over there. Perfect.

Last year, I spent nine hours in the freezing cold at Times Square. It was a stupid decision in hindsight, and, though I performed the Electric Slide with about ten other random people, that night hurt my frail body.

The year before, my brother and I tried to host a house party with giant jenga, poker and a bonfire. It was ok I guess, but not worth the hassle and fuss we went to in trying to get loads of friends to turn up.

I think the year before that me and my mates made a mad scramble to Trafalgar Square to get a tiny glimpse of the fireworks. Yay.

Is it worth it all? Maybe not. But, aside from Birthdays, when do we have an excuse to simply have fun. Granted, we shouldn't have to have fun, but at least the invitation is there.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do this year, but I will be with friends, most likely with a glass of something in my hand, I will be relaxed, and I will carry on living the way I currently do: enjoying life.

Man, what a cliche blog that was. Have this to make up for it: Clicky

Me, myself and TED

2008-12-09T09:23:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking recently. And when I say recently, I mean for about the last eight or nine months. Something is happening inside my head; something is moving towards a goal. I can't quite put it into words, but it is something along the lines of helping others on a mass scale, and halting evil in the world. I don't care how corny it is, because I feel that this change is not just applying to me.

The video below is of a video-conference as part of something called TED. Technology, Entertainment, Design. I have become obsessed with these conferences that cover an array of topics from Creativity in schools to the secret of Ragu Marketing to conspiracies about the term "4 in the morning". This is just a sample, albeit 20 minutes long.

These TED videos have stirred something inside of me that has been bubbling away for that eight-odd month period. Since this is a blog, it would be nice to be able to put it into words. So, at the risk of sounding like the naive Peter Petrelli of Heroes fame, here goes:

I have a purpose that I am unsure of. Up until now, I have been meandering about from A to B about where my path lies in life, as if I need to decide now before said life crumbles before my eyes and I end up a homeless bum on the streets of Ealing. To be fair, I am still meandering a bit, but I am not so tightly wound about my "destiny". All I know for now is that I want to do some good in the world. I like being happy, I like giving advice and I like making other people happy. The other day I sent a text to one of my friends telling them that "There's a rumour going around that you're amazing", and it felt great. Or, if someone asks me how I am, I make it a point to respond with something like "I'm Outstanding" or "I'm pretty close to spectacular" (thank you Andre 3000) or something unusually uplifting that catches them off guard in a most wondrous way.

I like these little things, and it makes me feel good about life, but there's also alot of stuff I detest right about now, and I think that's what occupies my mind more (it should, shouldn't it?)

As a brief glimpse, some of these things are: Robert Mugabe. The current and totally flawed education system in the UK and probably most of the world. The way western news treats the rest of the world as so...."other". The ineffectiveness of the UN.

Hmm, I have deleted alot of the stuff I was going to list, because you all know it. It's cliche stuff that a student whines about when he tries to open his eyes but it hurts too much.

Still, Mugabe is a dick.

I think, for some reason, there is a change in the mentality of a lot of people in the Western World. Something is slowly churning. Perhaps my generation is going to do something unique- good or bad I don't know- but I have such a strong feeling that the foundations of society are going to be different. People are fatigued with everything that is wrong. Vietnam, Rwanda, Katrina, Darfur, whatever. More and more people are getting fed up, and luckily less and less people are getting lethargic. Finally people want change, and it's in the works. Don't ask me how long it's going to take or when it's going to happen.

But it is going to happen.